TW: Slut shaming
As you know, last week I got tested because I was having some funky gynecological symptoms. It was deemed most likely that I had a yeast infection. I got meds, my symptoms cleared up. Okay, cool.
Well, it turns out I also have chlamydia. So, I did what you’re supposed to do when you find out you have an STD. I disclosed it to the people I have had sex with since my last negative result. There are five people. One is my spouse, who is wonderful and is more than happy to just take medicine and call it good. One is B, who is also wonderful and plans to go and get himself tested tomorrow. One is The Artist, who did not respond to the text I sent to inform him. One is The Aerospace Engineer, who replied to tell me he has been tested since our encounter and was negative. And the fifth is The Stay-at-Home Son, Jorge.
When I texted Jorge to let him know, he responded with anger. He has a medical condition that compromises his immune system. He’s never told me more about it than that. When we reconnected, I told him that I had had unprotected sex with two people a couple of days prior. He and I used condoms. Today, he is livid. He asked me how many people I had fucked, and when. He asked who I caught it from. He asked what symptoms I have. ‘I risked my life because there is not enough dick in the world for you’, he said. He berated me for still being active on dating apps. He sent me a GIF of a man taking out the trash. He told me, ‘Go get clean so you can get back on the dick hunt.’
I called him out for slut shaming me, which he denied before continuing to slut shame me. I told him that I had given him more information than I needed to, and that he had made his own informed decision to sleep with me. I called him and I yelled – I almost never yell. I told him that I am not answerable to him. That I have done what I need to do by making him aware of my test result. I told him to go get tested. Ultimately, I told him I was blocking him, and I said goodbye. He texted from a web-generated number shortly afterward to apologize. Not interested.
I called B. He was relaxed about it. He assured me he wasn’t mad. He said he will get himself tested tomorrow. I told him about Jorge’s reaction, and I cried. He supported me and stood firmly in my corner. He asked how I was feeling, if I was okay. We are seeing each other this weekend. He asked about what this would mean for us in terms of physical limitations on this visit. I said I would ask the nurse when I went to pick up the meds.
In case you were wondering, the answer to that last question is that I have to abstain for 15 days. The nurse said, ‘Between the two of you, you have four hands.’ She also suggested using toys and putting condoms on them, and practicing good hygiene. No oral sex. No anal sex. No vaginal sex. We can work with that, no problem.
I firmly believe in the importance of regular testing. And in the importance of disclosing a positive result to the relevant people. Sometimes, you will get a reaction like I did from Jorge, but my goal was to inform him, and although he is mad, he has been informed.
I don’t feel ashamed about catching an STD, but I would feel ashamed if I didn’t inform my partners of it. So, if you are ever in a position where someone has to give you that news, don’t be like Jorge. Because next time, that person may not want to tell, and that is a far worse scenario. As for me, I’ll be taking antibiotics for a week and getting retested in three months. And if I’m positive for anything at that point, there will be one less call I have to make.
Fat and Slutty 