I’m largely writing this post for accountability.
Against my better judgment, I’ve launched myself back into dating apps. Fear of loneliness has crept in. Before T, I was lonely a lot of the time. My spouse works away frequently, and B lives too far away to visit for an evening. Meeting T changed everything, I wasn’t lonely anymore. I loved being around him, and I spent as much time with him as he would give me.
I haven’t dated anyone new since I met T last May. Interestingly, I think I would have felt like I was cheating on him if I had. I haven’t felt that way with anyone else since I started on this path – I think it’s because he’s monogamous. I still have some hangover from that I think, but I can work on letting go of it.
I’m not thrilled to get ‘out there’ again. I know I can’t and shouldn’t rely on partners for all of my companionship needs so I’ve been working on rekindling some friendships, looking for ways to establish new ones. I have been focusing on my mental health, attending forums, and I have an appointment with a new doctor in a couple of weeks. I’m also enrolled in three college classes this semester. As is my usual MO when I’m sad, I’m throwing myself into all of the things all at once. If I’m busy, there’s no time to be sad. This usually ends in disastrous burnout, admittedly. But for now! This is what we’re doing.
To that end, I’m back on dating apps. I’m not super excited about it, I haven’t met anyone yet that I feel overly optimistic about. Part of that is probably that I’m not over T yet, and I’m certain that’s going to take a while, so I am probably not really giving new people the chance they deserve. Having said that, I’ve scheduled a few coffee dates. One tomorrow with someone who lives locally, and one in a week with someone who lives closer to B. I’ve also been invited for coffee by someone who lives a couple of hours in the opposite direction, and I think I’ll accept if he’ll meet me halfway.
I am looking forward to meeting some people, whether anything comes of it or not. The guy I’m meeting tomorrow is a self-employed handyman with a strong hippy vibe. He’s non-monogamous, has a long term partner, a couple of kids, lots of time-constraints, but is willing to carve some out. He seems cool, I hope it goes well. Obviously I will report back.
The guy I’m meeting next week is a personal trainer, and that’s about all I know about him. We really haven’t had a conversation, beyond him asking me for coffee. He’s the type that would prefer to have those getting-to-know-you chats face to face. I can do that. He has a self-assured vibe about him, and I’m into that.
Again, posting this for accountability so that I don’t flake on these people. I don’t want to be that person. I’m not that person.
Fat and Slutty 