T and I are back on speaking terms. I broke down a few weeks ago and reached out to him. I missed him. I didn’t like how we’d left things. I was desperately sad. He responded. He had missed me, too. We decided we would try again at being friends.
Since then, we’ve talked most days. It’s been so good to laugh with him again. Of everything I love about him, that was the part I missed the most. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed with anyone the way I do with T. We share an utterly ridiculous sense of humor.
I’m still entirely in love with him, of course. I believe I always will be. It still feels like a devastating loss, but simultaneously a wonderful gain. I hope to have him in my life in some capacity forever.
Before we broke up, I had already bought his Valentine’s card. I love choosing them, finding the perfect one for each person. I start looking at them months ahead of time. I asked him if he would still like to have it. He said he would, so I mailed it to him. It arrived right on time, and he loved it. That made me feel good. ‘Love you forever’ I told him. ‘Til the end’, he replied.
Yesterday we saw each other for the first time since the night I got angry and left. It was great. Just being able to hug him again was wonderful. I love his hugs. That was another thing I had missed terribly. We went and got tattoos together, something we have done a few times before. I got a rose and a broken heart. He got a skull with some barbed wire. They turned out great!
In general, the evening was light-hearted and easy. It’s still a challenge to not be able to kiss him like before. At one point at the tattoo studio, a song played that is tied to a memory of one of the first concerts we went to. That was hard, I had to leave the room until it was finished, I didn’t want to cry, and I certainly didn’t want to do it in front of him. I pulled myself together and was fine after that.
When we were done with tattoos, we went and picked up some dinner to take back to his house. We ate, I played with the dog, and then I went home.
It was a really nice evening, and so good to see him again. I am still adjusting to this new dynamic, but I know I can do it. I’m determined. His friendship is worth it.
But I will love him forever. Til the end.
Fat and Slutty 